Food for Thought (since your stomach probz needs a break)

“Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature has made them." - Bertrand Russell

Harry Potter and the Lamest Bacon

At the age of 22 years, 11 months, and 12 days old I still cry when I realize that the world and school of Harry Potter isn't real.  And that I'll never get to play Hermione in the movie adaptations.

A New Vernacular

1.  Wang.  It's so back, baby.  It really fits so many situations so well.  It's stronger than "butthead", but less emphatic than "dick", and adequately describes someone who is annoying the crap out of you, but you still like them anyway.  I rarely if ever address people as slang for genitalia, but "wang" really works for me.  That's what she said.  Used in a sentence:  Rob is such a wang.

2.  Blam-o.  It's so dumb, but I like it.  It's like "nailed it" or "boosh" but less crude and more obnoxious.  I "blam-o"ed a table yesterday and they quite enjoyed it.  Used in a sentence: no need.  It stands alone.

3.  Made of win.  Describes something you really like.  Used in a sentence:  "Man, these thigh-high boots are made of win!"

Why dirty a plate when you can violate both human conduct
 and health codes by dipping fries into the ketchup bottle? 

un-related note: what is WITH the guy that writes those awful little "inspirational message" on the inside of Dove chocolate foils?  What a wang.  I guess they're supposed to uplift the chocolate-eater, but there's really no need!  There's chocolate!  I got one (of many) today that said, "Every woman is a super (role) model!"  What a cheeky little message that implies that not only am I not cute enough to be a super model, AND reminds you to be an upstanding woman.  Not just a greedy little glutton made of win.  If I were in charge of writing those asinine little sayings I would just put a tiny speaker inside that would scream bloody murder every time you unwrapped it.  Blam-o.  Got American obesity on lock.  Plus hilarious home video footage.

I love gelato

My To Do List

1.  Go for a run (hasn't happened since August... unless you count sprinting down Washington Boulevard because I underestimated how long it takes to walk to work)

2.  Lose twenty pounds.  The numerous blondies coated in ice cream, constant stream of wine and/or tequila, and shameful lack of green vegetables probably has something to do with it.

3.  Buy over-the-knee black boots.  Best replacement for pants I've seen yet.  This one has the best success rate of everything on this list, which is a problem in and of itself.

4.  Get rid of the mice living in our kitchen and basement.  I need a boyfriend so that I could just feign fear and then he'd heroically step up to the plate and murder these rodents for me and my three wonderful housemates.  However, since the dreamy boy I met on the Metro last week has yet to call me, I foresee a lot of neat and clean murdering in my future.

5.  Unpack my room.  Having roommates you want to hang out with all the time is a double edged sword.  My clothes are strewn about my enormous room in an appalling manner.

6.  Figure out how to order new contact lenses without having to pay for an expensive eye exam.  My last pair turned into my only pair and are currently enabling the typing of this titillating entry.

7.  Rally to Restore Sanity on Saturday.  So excited about this!

8.  Do some laundry.  I'm scared of the basement (see point 4) but my work shirts are starting to smell like feta cheese... and by "starting to smell" I mean, "have smelled".

9.  Buy food.  Edible things currently in my possession: jar of pb, box of cereal, bag of baby carrots, box of Constant Comment, quart of ice cream, and half a bottle of cheap wine.

10. Befriend the bartenders across the street.  For obvious reasons

Arrested Development

isn't only a fantastic tv show.

My fellow early twenty-something's and I have it bad.  All I want to do is drink with my roommates and buy clothes to party in.  I have a bachelor's degree in classical music and no desire to pursue any sort of career other than waiting tables at a dive bar/deli.  

Actually, that's not true.  If someone were to walk up to me and say, "Hey there, little lady, any interest in an acting job?" I would be either totally pumped or incredibly nervous that this perv was going to cut me into bits and feed me to his pet iguana.

Being a real adult is hard.  Toilet paper no longer just magically appears under the sink cabinet... you have to like, go to Target and purchase it, then put it under the sink yourself.  It is not fun to buy things like toilet paper, paper towels, and laundry detergent.  And seriously, it's a cosmic joke that you have to pay money to obtain paper to wipe your own butt with.  Some things in life should simply be free.. like TP and coffee.

In other news my roommates and I saw a peeper last night.  Hindsight being 20/20 we should have like... told someone... but no harm (except mentally), no foul (except it was).  Hope we don't run into Mr. Grabby again.  

it's a Grand Ol' Flag y'all

and it stoutly protects my right to eat a salad in my bed and watch House on hulu while wearing a t-shirt I received upon 5th grade graduation.  Because 5th graders should absolutely need a special ceremony when going from the 5th to the 6th grade, and 11 year olds and 22 year olds should absolutely be capable of wearing the same sized t-shirt.

I stress-ate about four pounds of fried food in Canada.  America how I've missed you.