Friday, November 12, 2010

A New Vernacular

1.  Wang.  It's so back, baby.  It really fits so many situations so well.  It's stronger than "butthead", but less emphatic than "dick", and adequately describes someone who is annoying the crap out of you, but you still like them anyway.  I rarely if ever address people as slang for genitalia, but "wang" really works for me.  That's what she said.  Used in a sentence:  Rob is such a wang.

2.  Blam-o.  It's so dumb, but I like it.  It's like "nailed it" or "boosh" but less crude and more obnoxious.  I "blam-o"ed a table yesterday and they quite enjoyed it.  Used in a sentence: no need.  It stands alone.

3.  Made of win.  Describes something you really like.  Used in a sentence:  "Man, these thigh-high boots are made of win!"

Why dirty a plate when you can violate both human conduct
 and health codes by dipping fries into the ketchup bottle? 

un-related note: what is WITH the guy that writes those awful little "inspirational message" on the inside of Dove chocolate foils?  What a wang.  I guess they're supposed to uplift the chocolate-eater, but there's really no need!  There's chocolate!  I got one (of many) today that said, "Every woman is a super (role) model!"  What a cheeky little message that implies that not only am I not cute enough to be a super model, AND reminds you to be an upstanding woman.  Not just a greedy little glutton made of win.  If I were in charge of writing those asinine little sayings I would just put a tiny speaker inside that would scream bloody murder every time you unwrapped it.  Blam-o.  Got American obesity on lock.  Plus hilarious home video footage.

No comments:

Post a Comment