Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Cave

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Because I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again.

NEW YORK ANTHEM.  Only far less noble goals.   I love Mumford and Sons.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Roll Away Your Stone, I'll Roll Away Mine

CAN I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET MY POTTERMORE EMAIL!?!??!!  IT'S BEEN FOREVERRRRRRRR and I had to endure Shannon GOING THROUGH THE WHOLE WEBSITE while I fled to the opposite side of the room and forced my brain to pay attention to the Princess Diaries 2.  If that isn't dedication, I don't know what is.  I'm consumed by the fear that I will be sorted into Slytherin, though... if it happens I will absolutely cry.

I signed my lease and various other weird forms today for my new Manhattan apartment!  The only bad thing about moving to New York is that I won't live with/see Kate every day.  We said bye tonight and I cried as I drove home.  Pathetic.  Best friends like the Kate don't grow on trees though, ya only get one every 22.5 years.

I'm suddenly afraid to get old.  I'm not scared to die or anything, but I'm scared to gradually decay and become more and more yucky.  I don't WANT old papery skin and blue nails and my neck to look like a  vag and to have my mouth be constantly open and drooling.  Or be helped to the toilet.  Or force fed fiber and all sorts of nasty things.  I plan to binge eat myself to death around the age of 70.  Settle down on the couch and just... let myself go.  It's not suicide, it's a humanitarian act so no one will have to cart me around and be sad and miserable.

Every now and then I appall myself with my own behavior.  An impulsive nature and a weak will are a terrible combination.  Especially when you mix in a little residual Catholic guilt.

For now, I can't wait to move.  I REALLY can't wait to quit my job!

Friday, September 9, 2011


9/8/10:  I was getting on the plane with my buddy to go on a five-week adventure to Europe.
9/8/11:  I get my dream apartment in the East Village with an acquaintance-turning-friend.  (Coincidentally, both girls listed above are named Julie)

So many things change in a year!  This time last year I was getting pumped about going to Europe and moving to Ballston (three miles from my parents house) with my college roommate Steph, her best friend from middle school Andi, and a girl I worked with named Kate.  Kate, it turns out, is my best friend in the entire world, Steph is in law school, and Andi no longer wants to fight for justice, she just wants to play beautiful songs on beautiful pianos.  Shannon was moving from Brooklyn to Woodbridge, Sarah was going to grad school, and I bashed my face so badly I was scared I was going to lose my tooth.

Now, I'm moving to the East Village in two weeks.  I have longer hair, I have had three or four different styles of bangs (all of which were failures), I have lost a little bit of weight but I still fantasize about running a 10K.  I went to Europe twice, for a total of 8 weeks, and visited Spain, France, Italy, Portugal, England, and Wales.  I went to Hogwarts and drank butterbeer with my brother and my cousin.  I learned how to scuba dive, how to parallel park the mini-van, how to bar tend, how to deal with animals in your house, and how I like to drink coffee.  I went to California for the first time since I was ten and saw 3,000 year old trees and a man worthy of having a crush on.  I watched 8 Phillies games in person, I ran across the ocean to a castle in boots, I stood on top of the world, I climbed mountains, I swam in seas, I was in a play for the first time in five years.

I could not be more excited for my newest catastrophe/adventure, but I am so grateful for the last year.  It's made me less scared, more confident, more happy than I've ever been in my whole life!  I could not have handled moving to the city this time last year, but now I'm ready.

Currently Reading: A Game of Thrones
Working On:  a monologue from The Kathy and Mo Show
Currently Listening to:  Mumford and Sons "The Cave"
Most Recent Movie Watched: Sarah's Key (I cried and nearly threw up, it was awful)
Most Recent Meal:  Margarita and tacos from Rio Grande with Kate, Chantha, and Kyle from LD
Lead on the NL East:  10.0 games :)

Apology to the Slighted

OH TORTILLA!!!!!!!  How I have missed your warm, enveloping chewiness!!!   How could I have been so wrong about you?!  You are an integral part of the burrito experience and I was foolish to think that we should go our separate ways!!!  I shall forsake you no longer.