It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
Because I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind
So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears
So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land
So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be
And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again.
NEW YORK ANTHEM. Only far less noble goals. I love Mumford and Sons.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Roll Away Your Stone, I'll Roll Away Mine
CAN I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET MY POTTERMORE EMAIL!?!??!! IT'S BEEN FOREVERRRRRRRR and I had to endure Shannon GOING THROUGH THE WHOLE WEBSITE while I fled to the opposite side of the room and forced my brain to pay attention to the Princess Diaries 2. If that isn't dedication, I don't know what is. I'm consumed by the fear that I will be sorted into Slytherin, though... if it happens I will absolutely cry.
I signed my lease and various other weird forms today for my new Manhattan apartment! The only bad thing about moving to New York is that I won't live with/see Kate every day. We said bye tonight and I cried as I drove home. Pathetic. Best friends like the Kate don't grow on trees though, ya only get one every 22.5 years.
I'm suddenly afraid to get old. I'm not scared to die or anything, but I'm scared to gradually decay and become more and more yucky. I don't WANT old papery skin and blue nails and my neck to look like a vag and to have my mouth be constantly open and drooling. Or be helped to the toilet. Or force fed fiber and all sorts of nasty things. I plan to binge eat myself to death around the age of 70. Settle down on the couch and just... let myself go. It's not suicide, it's a humanitarian act so no one will have to cart me around and be sad and miserable.
Every now and then I appall myself with my own behavior. An impulsive nature and a weak will are a terrible combination. Especially when you mix in a little residual Catholic guilt.
For now, I can't wait to move. I REALLY can't wait to quit my job!
I signed my lease and various other weird forms today for my new Manhattan apartment! The only bad thing about moving to New York is that I won't live with/see Kate every day. We said bye tonight and I cried as I drove home. Pathetic. Best friends like the Kate don't grow on trees though, ya only get one every 22.5 years.
I'm suddenly afraid to get old. I'm not scared to die or anything, but I'm scared to gradually decay and become more and more yucky. I don't WANT old papery skin and blue nails and my neck to look like a vag and to have my mouth be constantly open and drooling. Or be helped to the toilet. Or force fed fiber and all sorts of nasty things. I plan to binge eat myself to death around the age of 70. Settle down on the couch and just... let myself go. It's not suicide, it's a humanitarian act so no one will have to cart me around and be sad and miserable.
Every now and then I appall myself with my own behavior. An impulsive nature and a weak will are a terrible combination. Especially when you mix in a little residual Catholic guilt.
For now, I can't wait to move. I REALLY can't wait to quit my job!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Old
9/8/10: I was getting on the plane with my buddy to go on a five-week adventure to Europe.
9/8/11: I get my dream apartment in the East Village with an acquaintance-turning-friend. (Coincidentally, both girls listed above are named Julie)
So many things change in a year! This time last year I was getting pumped about going to Europe and moving to Ballston (three miles from my parents house) with my college roommate Steph, her best friend from middle school Andi, and a girl I worked with named Kate. Kate, it turns out, is my best friend in the entire world, Steph is in law school, and Andi no longer wants to fight for justice, she just wants to play beautiful songs on beautiful pianos. Shannon was moving from Brooklyn to Woodbridge, Sarah was going to grad school, and I bashed my face so badly I was scared I was going to lose my tooth.
Now, I'm moving to the East Village in two weeks. I have longer hair, I have had three or four different styles of bangs (all of which were failures), I have lost a little bit of weight but I still fantasize about running a 10K. I went to Europe twice, for a total of 8 weeks, and visited Spain, France, Italy, Portugal, England, and Wales. I went to Hogwarts and drank butterbeer with my brother and my cousin. I learned how to scuba dive, how to parallel park the mini-van, how to bar tend, how to deal with animals in your house, and how I like to drink coffee. I went to California for the first time since I was ten and saw 3,000 year old trees and a man worthy of having a crush on. I watched 8 Phillies games in person, I ran across the ocean to a castle in boots, I stood on top of the world, I climbed mountains, I swam in seas, I was in a play for the first time in five years.
I could not be more excited for my newest catastrophe/adventure, but I am so grateful for the last year. It's made me less scared, more confident, more happy than I've ever been in my whole life! I could not have handled moving to the city this time last year, but now I'm ready.
Currently Reading: A Game of Thrones
Working On: a monologue from The Kathy and Mo Show
Currently Listening to: Mumford and Sons "The Cave"
Most Recent Movie Watched: Sarah's Key (I cried and nearly threw up, it was awful)
Most Recent Meal: Margarita and tacos from Rio Grande with Kate, Chantha, and Kyle from LD
Lead on the NL East: 10.0 games :)
9/8/11: I get my dream apartment in the East Village with an acquaintance-turning-friend. (Coincidentally, both girls listed above are named Julie)
So many things change in a year! This time last year I was getting pumped about going to Europe and moving to Ballston (three miles from my parents house) with my college roommate Steph, her best friend from middle school Andi, and a girl I worked with named Kate. Kate, it turns out, is my best friend in the entire world, Steph is in law school, and Andi no longer wants to fight for justice, she just wants to play beautiful songs on beautiful pianos. Shannon was moving from Brooklyn to Woodbridge, Sarah was going to grad school, and I bashed my face so badly I was scared I was going to lose my tooth.
Now, I'm moving to the East Village in two weeks. I have longer hair, I have had three or four different styles of bangs (all of which were failures), I have lost a little bit of weight but I still fantasize about running a 10K. I went to Europe twice, for a total of 8 weeks, and visited Spain, France, Italy, Portugal, England, and Wales. I went to Hogwarts and drank butterbeer with my brother and my cousin. I learned how to scuba dive, how to parallel park the mini-van, how to bar tend, how to deal with animals in your house, and how I like to drink coffee. I went to California for the first time since I was ten and saw 3,000 year old trees and a man worthy of having a crush on. I watched 8 Phillies games in person, I ran across the ocean to a castle in boots, I stood on top of the world, I climbed mountains, I swam in seas, I was in a play for the first time in five years.
I could not be more excited for my newest catastrophe/adventure, but I am so grateful for the last year. It's made me less scared, more confident, more happy than I've ever been in my whole life! I could not have handled moving to the city this time last year, but now I'm ready.
Currently Reading: A Game of Thrones
Working On: a monologue from The Kathy and Mo Show
Currently Listening to: Mumford and Sons "The Cave"
Most Recent Movie Watched: Sarah's Key (I cried and nearly threw up, it was awful)
Most Recent Meal: Margarita and tacos from Rio Grande with Kate, Chantha, and Kyle from LD
Lead on the NL East: 10.0 games :)
Apology to the Slighted
OH TORTILLA!!!!!!! How I have missed your warm, enveloping chewiness!!! How could I have been so wrong about you?! You are an integral part of the burrito experience and I was foolish to think that we should go our separate ways!!! I shall forsake you no longer.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thoughts on the VMAs
as provided by watching the Beyonce and Adele clips on YouTube 24 hours after.
1. BEYONCE WHAT THE HELL! You gave me four key changes in exchange for not jostling your fetus and I was completely ok with it. AND YOU HID YOUR LEGS and wore a terrible sequined jacket. I still want to be you. Only not pregnant, now that I think about it, and def not by Jay-Z. His name sucks. FINE OK I JUST WISH I WAS SEXY FLY LIKE YOU AND HAD BEEN A MEMBER OF DESTINY'S CHILD!!
2. Adele killed it. And she looked classy whilst killin' it. That's the dream.
3. Lady Gaga as a dude was HILARIOUS! At least it wasn't a meat dress. Every time I watch her I'm more and more convinced that she's completely insane. Did she fall off the piano?
4. Katy Perry needs a lobotomy ASAP. What the hell was her costume supposed to be? Askew toy building blocks? If we gave her brain replacement surgery she would probably stop singing songs that romanticize rape, which I would also be more than fine with.
1. BEYONCE WHAT THE HELL! You gave me four key changes in exchange for not jostling your fetus and I was completely ok with it. AND YOU HID YOUR LEGS and wore a terrible sequined jacket. I still want to be you. Only not pregnant, now that I think about it, and def not by Jay-Z. His name sucks. FINE OK I JUST WISH I WAS SEXY FLY LIKE YOU AND HAD BEEN A MEMBER OF DESTINY'S CHILD!!
2. Adele killed it. And she looked classy whilst killin' it. That's the dream.
3. Lady Gaga as a dude was HILARIOUS! At least it wasn't a meat dress. Every time I watch her I'm more and more convinced that she's completely insane. Did she fall off the piano?
4. Katy Perry needs a lobotomy ASAP. What the hell was her costume supposed to be? Askew toy building blocks? If we gave her brain replacement surgery she would probably stop singing songs that romanticize rape, which I would also be more than fine with.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Rage Monkey
Natural disasters are interesting on TV, but pretty weird when they actually happen to/around you. "I WAS HERE DOING THIS!!!" everyone shrieks to anyone that will listen. I was at my house, on my bed, switching banks, and I thought it was sorta neat but mostly I was relieved that nothing really happened. Apparently we are supposed to fear the destruction that those things are capable of.
However two things happened that really pissed me off. One, was the status of some idiot that I'm "friends" with on Facebook even though in reality I find her a ridiculous (and not in a fun way), thoughtless, and stupid human being. "More quakes and shakes, please! That was fun!"
.....am I to understand that you....want an actual earthquake? That you are, in fact, REQUESTING the presence of the very ground beneath your feet to writhe in ways that can kill and maim thousands of people? HOW STUPID ARE YOU!??!?!??! It's SUCH A PITY that the damn thing didn't do the world a favor and remove you from it!!!!!!!! Idiot.
That plus a visit with a tiresome dental hygienist has made me wary of impending Irene. "OH DANG I GOT WET LIKE IN A THUNDERSTORM!!!! IT WAS WINDY LIKE DURING A THUNDERSTORM TOOO!!!!!!" Man am I going to look like an asshole if this thing turns into something other than just another summer storm.
Which brings me to the topic at hand.
What a curious creature is the Rage Monkey! She strikes with no warning and disappears as quickly as she came. The Rage Monkey is definitely a lady because she frequently opens for The Period Monster, who is known for her similar qualities at the onset, but finishes her destruction tour with loads of weeping and teary-eyed nonsense.
The Rage Monkey erupts from anywhere, shoving Rational Normal Non-Rageful Self from your brain with the force of a thousand men. If RNNRS tries to make a feeble attempt to placate, the Rage Monkey flips out even more, gathering more steam as it destroys all sanity and happiness.
The Rage Monkey's powerful assets are stealth, failure to be logical, and perseverance. This sneaky bitch creeps up on you, consumes you completely, beats the crap out of the ol' RNNRS, and stays just long enough that you'll have to spend the rest of your day undoing the damage the Rage Monkey has left in its wake.
Typically, something banal happens. You read a predictably idiotic Facebook status, or Janice the Fart Faced Old Lady Horror opens her yap as she scrapes barnacles out of your mouth. Only, instead of laughing or feigning deafness, you feel an incredible surge of anger. Someone has just asked a harmless question or postulated pure moronic crap and your hormones have unleashed their monster. Then suddenly EVERYTHING JUST MAKES YOU SO MAD AND THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!!! Run away?! NEVER!!!!! COWARD!?!?!! Stay and talk it out?!?! WHO RATIONALIZES WITH THE IRRATIONAL RAGE MONKEY!??!?!
"I was at a restaurant and the floor just starting shaking!!!" WHO CARES WHERE YOU WERE DURING THE HURRICANE, JANICE?!?!?! (This poor old lady thinks that I'm meek and introverted because I resolutely refuse to encourage conversation with her as I don't have time in my days for two hour long dental appointments) YOU STUPID COW JUST SHUT UP AND CLEAN MY TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS, DON'T TELL ME STORIES ABOUT YOUR POOR BESOTTED HUSBAND!!!!! JUST X-RAY MY JAW!!! AND DID I MENTION I AM SWEATING UNDER THIS LEADEN BLANKET THAT YOU CLAIM WILL PROTECT ME FROM RADIATION!?!?! WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF MY FACE?!?!?! DID NO ONE TELL YOU THAT MY EYES ARE MY BEST FEATURE?!!?!?! WHERE ARE MY PROTECTIVE GOGGLES!???!?!?!?! AND THIS DAMN THING IS ITCHING MY NECK!!!!!
"If you're ever in a play you'll have to tell us so we can come see you!" WHY!??! SO YOU CAN RUN YOUR YAP THROUGH THE ENTIRETY OF THE PLAY AND CLAIM THAT YOU WROTE THE WORDS YOURSELF?! SO YOU CAN TELL YOUR CHINA DOLLS THAT YOU DID SOMETHING OTHER THAN MAKE YOUR HUSBAND WANT TO END HIS OWN LIFE THAT DAY!??!!
"Have you ever had braces? It looks like there's still some cement on this tooth!!" LOOK AT MY FUCKING CHART, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE?!?!?! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME!??! AND YES I HAVE HAD BRACES, THEY CAME OFF TEN YEARS AGO, HOW HAVE YOU NEVER NOTICED THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE CEMENT IN MY MOUTH!??! ARE YOU SAYING MY TEETH AREN'T STRAIGHT ENOUGH TO HAVE BRACES?!! YOU'RE DENTURES ARE IMPRESSIVE, BUT NOT AS IMPRESSIVE AS MY PURE ENAMEL!!!!!!!!!!
I left that office with no cavities and a guaranteed ticket to Hell's fiery gates.
However two things happened that really pissed me off. One, was the status of some idiot that I'm "friends" with on Facebook even though in reality I find her a ridiculous (and not in a fun way), thoughtless, and stupid human being. "More quakes and shakes, please! That was fun!"
.....am I to understand that you....want an actual earthquake? That you are, in fact, REQUESTING the presence of the very ground beneath your feet to writhe in ways that can kill and maim thousands of people? HOW STUPID ARE YOU!??!?!??! It's SUCH A PITY that the damn thing didn't do the world a favor and remove you from it!!!!!!!! Idiot.
That plus a visit with a tiresome dental hygienist has made me wary of impending Irene. "OH DANG I GOT WET LIKE IN A THUNDERSTORM!!!! IT WAS WINDY LIKE DURING A THUNDERSTORM TOOO!!!!!!" Man am I going to look like an asshole if this thing turns into something other than just another summer storm.
Which brings me to the topic at hand.
What a curious creature is the Rage Monkey! She strikes with no warning and disappears as quickly as she came. The Rage Monkey is definitely a lady because she frequently opens for The Period Monster, who is known for her similar qualities at the onset, but finishes her destruction tour with loads of weeping and teary-eyed nonsense.
The Rage Monkey erupts from anywhere, shoving Rational Normal Non-Rageful Self from your brain with the force of a thousand men. If RNNRS tries to make a feeble attempt to placate, the Rage Monkey flips out even more, gathering more steam as it destroys all sanity and happiness.
The Rage Monkey's powerful assets are stealth, failure to be logical, and perseverance. This sneaky bitch creeps up on you, consumes you completely, beats the crap out of the ol' RNNRS, and stays just long enough that you'll have to spend the rest of your day undoing the damage the Rage Monkey has left in its wake.
Typically, something banal happens. You read a predictably idiotic Facebook status, or Janice the Fart Faced Old Lady Horror opens her yap as she scrapes barnacles out of your mouth. Only, instead of laughing or feigning deafness, you feel an incredible surge of anger. Someone has just asked a harmless question or postulated pure moronic crap and your hormones have unleashed their monster. Then suddenly EVERYTHING JUST MAKES YOU SO MAD AND THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!!! Run away?! NEVER!!!!! COWARD!?!?!! Stay and talk it out?!?! WHO RATIONALIZES WITH THE IRRATIONAL RAGE MONKEY!??!?!
"I was at a restaurant and the floor just starting shaking!!!" WHO CARES WHERE YOU WERE DURING THE HURRICANE, JANICE?!?!?! (This poor old lady thinks that I'm meek and introverted because I resolutely refuse to encourage conversation with her as I don't have time in my days for two hour long dental appointments) YOU STUPID COW JUST SHUT UP AND CLEAN MY TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS, DON'T TELL ME STORIES ABOUT YOUR POOR BESOTTED HUSBAND!!!!! JUST X-RAY MY JAW!!! AND DID I MENTION I AM SWEATING UNDER THIS LEADEN BLANKET THAT YOU CLAIM WILL PROTECT ME FROM RADIATION!?!?! WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF MY FACE?!?!?! DID NO ONE TELL YOU THAT MY EYES ARE MY BEST FEATURE?!!?!?! WHERE ARE MY PROTECTIVE GOGGLES!???!?!?!?! AND THIS DAMN THING IS ITCHING MY NECK!!!!!
"If you're ever in a play you'll have to tell us so we can come see you!" WHY!??! SO YOU CAN RUN YOUR YAP THROUGH THE ENTIRETY OF THE PLAY AND CLAIM THAT YOU WROTE THE WORDS YOURSELF?! SO YOU CAN TELL YOUR CHINA DOLLS THAT YOU DID SOMETHING OTHER THAN MAKE YOUR HUSBAND WANT TO END HIS OWN LIFE THAT DAY!??!!
"Have you ever had braces? It looks like there's still some cement on this tooth!!" LOOK AT MY FUCKING CHART, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE?!?!?! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME!??! AND YES I HAVE HAD BRACES, THEY CAME OFF TEN YEARS AGO, HOW HAVE YOU NEVER NOTICED THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE CEMENT IN MY MOUTH!??! ARE YOU SAYING MY TEETH AREN'T STRAIGHT ENOUGH TO HAVE BRACES?!! YOU'RE DENTURES ARE IMPRESSIVE, BUT NOT AS IMPRESSIVE AS MY PURE ENAMEL!!!!!!!!!!
I left that office with no cavities and a guaranteed ticket to Hell's fiery gates.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
But I say/I got my best shoes on/I'm ready to go
I was scared to move last week, this week I'm ready. I'm SO EXCITED for new things and the utter terror of a new city and being constantly lost and it's feeling near and hopeful and exhilarating!
In an ideal world I would be a gypsy nomad and have no possessions and no ties other than love and experiences. Unfortunately, I'm rather attached to both my iPhone and my new brown boots. I'm trying to get rid of lots of stuff. "They're just things." I'm sure I'll end up with loads of new ones.
I AM STARTING A NEW ADVENTURE IN A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!
In an ideal world I would be a gypsy nomad and have no possessions and no ties other than love and experiences. Unfortunately, I'm rather attached to both my iPhone and my new brown boots. I'm trying to get rid of lots of stuff. "They're just things." I'm sure I'll end up with loads of new ones.
I AM STARTING A NEW ADVENTURE IN A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!
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