Reasons to Delete Your Facebook

Now that I've grown up and have no time, three jobs, and embarrassingly low income, I can only check facebook once, maximum twice, a day. However, my heart hasn't really been in it. I no longer care if someone I once had one class with had a rough day at the summer camp they're counseling. Plus I feel there's been more and more over-sharing and it completely freaks me out. Today was particularly horrific, pictures I was cringing at, one kid updating his status a million times to give us play-by-play action of the Tony Awards (if I wanted to know I would have watched, dude), and two friend requests from complete strangers. Thus, my inaugural blog (inaugblog. I like it!) will be reasons I should get rid of the damn thing. Fear not, general populous, it won't come to fruition.

1. The highly inappropriate friend requests. Always from men far too old (and generally geographically impractical) to date and tweens too young to properly type their status updates and therefore must rely on numbers and symbols to do the trick. How did you even find me?
2. The painful life updates . Examples might be: awkward relationships. Maybe they post pictures. Maybe the rest of us look because our curiosity is simply too great and end up crying out in horror and feeling sick. Maybe.
3. Friends who invite you to everything/things you don't want to go. Then I'm dragged into making up a story of why I can't go, flirting with the balance between the absurd (because it's fun) and the believable (because I seriously don't want to go). I probably have something better to do. Plus who does wedding invites on facebook. Tacky. Texting's the only way to show you care.
4. Farmville.
5. Friends who update their status(es?) too much. Get a Twitter for the love of Thor.
6. Parent factor. My dad is pretty hip, he's got his own account and even periodically coerces my brother into uploading pictures to it from his cellphone. But one day he's going to figure out how to look at 1,100+ pictures of his baby girl getting sloppy drunk in bars and kissing random strangers for a scavenger hunt. Lord, help him. His own fault for friending me and my fault for not caring to figure out how to limit privileges.

I should probably be more generous. I communicate with extended family members a lot more on facebook than I do in person. Too bad they're all able to view the same pictures as my father.