Monday, May 23, 2011

Benjamin Button Status

I will never age.  I find this to be aggravatingly diminutive most of the time, but I'm pretty sure it'll pay off in the long run.

Two weeks ago I had a couple hours between shifts at my superdumbjob.  So I put on my sweatshirt, snatched up my stupid little backpack that was full of scripts and calendars and things, and decided to go to the library across the street.  As any responsible pedestrian would, I looked both ways, saw no cars speeding toward me, and despite the green light, stepped into the street.  I made it approximately one foot before I was jerked backwards by the hood of my sweatshirt.  I stumbled for my balance before furiously turning around to see who the fuck tried to kill me and I am met by a panicked soccer mom shrilly lecturing me on the dangers of jay walking.  "I know you're excited because you just got out of school, but you just can't cross the street when the light is green!"  I am so confused by the first part of her diatribe that I look around to see where her crack den could have possibly been located and realize that the streets are full of local middle school students that have just been released from classes.  I also observe that most of these kids are taller than me.
Fact:  Middle schoolers are between the ages of 11 and 14.

Thursday night my roommate Stephanie and I went to see Bridesmaids.  It was a really good day for us, we were going to have Coldstone (our true weakness), watch a movie we had been dying to see, and then go see David Guetta.  In preparation for the tiny clothes, make-up, and stilettos, we wore jeans and cardigans and glasses to the Bridesmaids/Fatty portion of our date.  And we got carded at the movies.  Who cards at the movies?!?!!?
Fact:  R-rated movies are for those of 17 years of age and older.

I will never be old!  I'm made of spirit and fire and dew (Browning quote, isn't it lovely?) and my only aspirations are to be fearless and fearsome to behold.  And happy, duh.

What I can hope to look like in a few years

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