Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Bureaucracy: 2, Ash: 0

Let's talk about the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles. Aside from being just about the most dreaded place on the planet, it can also be hailed as inefficient, nonsensical, and moronic with its little "codes" and "privacy acts". If a person happens to lose things, WHY are you hellbent on trying to make them wish to move to another state? It's likely they had considered the gleaming possibility of relocation after realizing the rest of the state is finesies with a racist psycho for a governor, now you're just shoving them over the edge. Being forgetful or having your license stolen sucks enough as it is, why would you annoy such a victim with procedures set in place because you can't crack down on fake IDs for tweens who want to suck down Natty in their parents basement? They're tweens! Just wave Twilight posters and skateboards in front of their faces and lock them in a cage until they're of age to do fun things!!

My grievance is this: if you're going to punish me by making me wait 15 days for a new license because you don't trust your employees to print it out properly, why would you force me to sit in the DMV line for a whole day? Why can't I just re-order my license online? "Oh but you can!! If you just use the number written on your license, you can re-order in 3:20!!!" ....I lost it, you fucking moron. How and why would I have that number readily available? As an American you force me to remember all sorts of codes that "secure my identity", why would I have ever bother to memorize a lengthy number on the front of my driver's license that is only good for procuring another? And besides, couldn't I just use my social SECURITY number? You know, the only reason to apply to college is to memorize that bad boy. "Uhm.... it's not secure, Miss B----".

Right. It's only got security in the name, and neither of us are buying that line. Also, I'm making you nervous because I'm smarter than you.

Tomorrow's day off will not be spent laying in a hammock reading guide books about Portugal. It will be spent at the DMV. Let's hope I don't get pulled over; evidently, answering four full minutes of questions pertaining to my identity does not a legal driver make.

Also, yesterday I was pulled over by a cop needing to check the car seats in the mini-van I was driving. Evidently, the people who's children I take care of will have to set up an appointment to learn about car seats (the kids are 6, 11, and 14), one of them wasn't up to code by the officer who pulled it out of the car and shook it around. This is what Arlington cops do. Which surprised me since I figured their time was generally spent on the prowl for teens hot-boxing cars.

New Reasons to Move to France: 6
Number of Miles Run This Morning: 3
Number of Games out of First: 3.5
Days 'til I Get Skin Cancer: 11


  1. This happened to me!!!! This spring I accidentally flushed my license down the toilet. Yeah, I know... Anyways, TN is awesome and I actually could reorder my license online, but you had to have your number. Luckily, I had to renew my license so that I could get to Italy last summer, and my mom found the carbon copy of the application in my desk drawer. It still sucked.

  2. Car seats actually don't even increase your chances of survival after 2 years old, so tell him to screw off!